wakko101's Diaryland Diary
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it all boils down to politics.
For the past few months, I’ve been embroiled in a drama that has, in a way, come to a boiling point.
It’s been no secret amongst my friends that a certain Girl and I haven’t exactly been getting along lately. Recently, I made the decision to cut ties with her and I believe it was a long time coming. I have a feeling that some people have ill-conceived notions as to why, and this really bothers me.
Truth is, Girl and I have been growing apart for a long time now. This isn’t just me talking, I think she would say the same thing if you asked her. We’re very different people who, at present, want very different things. That is, and always has been, the basic reason for what’s happened.
I think that it would be easy for people to think that this all started when Girl began dating my ex-boyfriend. Well, it did and it didn’t. I believe that that particular situation acted as a catalyst for the issues Girl and I were already having. It was obviously an awkward position to be in, but it didn’t have to do with jealousy on anyone’s part. I did my part to make sure that it was the least weird it could be for everyone. At the time, I really was happy for them.
Since it all began, however, I feel that both the Ex and Girl have acted badly in a number of ways that are completely independent of their relationship. As far as I’m concerned, they have hurt people, including me, and I don’t think that I'm wrong for taking issue with it. The way I see it, when it gets to a point where a friend becomes more of a source of pain than joy, something has to change.
I realize that people might think I’m being selfish by breaking ties with Girl. It’s bound to put everyone in a very awkward position. But I’m going to do everything I can to make this as painless as possible for everyone. My saying that I don’t want to be friends with Girl anymore is not saying that I refuse to ever see her again. I know that’s not possible. It just means that I will not go out of my way to make contact with her.
I’m having a kegger in a week, and I think that there may have been some weirdness about it. I didn’t invite Girl, and the reason for doing so was because, due to our current situation, I really didn’t think it would make for a stress-free and casual evening. Our situation was no secret to anyone, we hadn’t even spoken to each other in two months. I would feel uncomfortable with her there and I figured that she would feel uncomfortable being there, too. It wasn’t malice that made me do it, I honestly thought that it would just be for the best. For everyone.
This whole thing is probably going to be weird for a while, I know that. I’m definitely not looking forward to it. Despite what people may think, this isn’t exactly easy for me. In the long run, however, I really think that it is for the best. While I don’t feel that I should be forced to maintain a friendship that I’m not comfortable with, I also don’t want to put my friends through hell because of my own problems. I just hope there is a happy medium that can be found.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that there is a lot of stuff that has happened that many people aren’t aware of, and it would be very easy to make false assumptions or value judgments about this situation and the people involved. I’m happy to talk to my friends about the situation, and in a much less aggravated tone than I might done so previously. All they need to do is ask.
I think that people don’t often realize I’m a lot less strong than I may appear. When I’ve been hurt, I tend to express it as anger. It’s just what I do. I don’t enjoy the fact that I’ve lost a friend, but I'm dealing with it the only way I know how.
In the end, I’m just going to have to deal with the consequences of my decisions. Life kind of sucks that way.
Not everything is doom and gloom, though. Look below.
I’M AN AUNT!
Wheeee!
11:10 a.m. - 2003-11-07
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An Announcement
It is my pleasure to introduce to you Bronwyn Ada Ellis.
My neice.
Way to go John and Char!
5:59 p.m. - 2003-11-06
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