11:10 a.m. - 2003-11-07
it all boils down to politics.
For the past few months, I�ve been embroiled in a drama that has, in a way, come to a boiling point.
It�s been no secret amongst my friends that a certain Girl and I haven�t exactly been getting along lately. Recently, I made the decision to cut ties with her and I believe it was a long time coming. I have a feeling that some people have ill-conceived notions as to why, and this really bothers me.
Truth is, Girl and I have been growing apart for a long time now. This isn�t just me talking, I think she would say the same thing if you asked her. We�re very different people who, at present, want very different things. That is, and always has been, the basic reason for what�s happened.
I think that it would be easy for people to think that this all started when Girl began dating my ex-boyfriend. Well, it did and it didn�t. I believe that that particular situation acted as a catalyst for the issues Girl and I were already having. It was obviously an awkward position to be in, but it didn�t have to do with jealousy on anyone�s part. I did my part to make sure that it was the least weird it could be for everyone. At the time, I really was happy for them.
Since it all began, however, I feel that both the Ex and Girl have acted badly in a number of ways that are completely independent of their relationship. As far as I�m concerned, they have hurt people, including me, and I don�t think that I'm wrong for taking issue with it. The way I see it, when it gets to a point where a friend becomes more of a source of pain than joy, something has to change.
I realize that people might think I�m being selfish by breaking ties with Girl. It�s bound to put everyone in a very awkward position. But I�m going to do everything I can to make this as painless as possible for everyone. My saying that I don�t want to be friends with Girl anymore is not saying that I refuse to ever see her again. I know that�s not possible. It just means that I will not go out of my way to make contact with her.
I�m having a kegger in a week, and I think that there may have been some weirdness about it. I didn�t invite Girl, and the reason for doing so was because, due to our current situation, I really didn�t think it would make for a stress-free and casual evening. Our situation was no secret to anyone, we hadn�t even spoken to each other in two months. I would feel uncomfortable with her there and I figured that she would feel uncomfortable being there, too. It wasn�t malice that made me do it, I honestly thought that it would just be for the best. For everyone.
This whole thing is probably going to be weird for a while, I know that. I�m definitely not looking forward to it. Despite what people may think, this isn�t exactly easy for me. In the long run, however, I really think that it is for the best. While I don�t feel that I should be forced to maintain a friendship that I�m not comfortable with, I also don�t want to put my friends through hell because of my own problems. I just hope there is a happy medium that can be found.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that there is a lot of stuff that has happened that many people aren�t aware of, and it would be very easy to make false assumptions or value judgments about this situation and the people involved. I�m happy to talk to my friends about the situation, and in a much less aggravated tone than I might done so previously. All they need to do is ask.
I think that people don�t often realize I�m a lot less strong than I may appear. When I�ve been hurt, I tend to express it as anger. It�s just what I do. I don�t enjoy the fact that I�ve lost a friend, but I'm dealing with it the only way I know how.
In the end, I�m just going to have to deal with the consequences of my decisions. Life kind of sucks that way.
Not everything is doom and gloom, though. Look below.
I�M AN AUNT!
Wheeee!
5:59 p.m. - 2003-11-06
An Announcement
It is my pleasure to introduce to you Bronwyn Ada Ellis.
My neice.
Way to go John and Char!
