11:59 a.m. - 2004-11-10
I was abducted by aliens...I swear
Holy crap, has it really been a month since I last updated?
Tee hee.
So, what's new in the world of Lauren? Well, the latest news has to do with the cutest, sweetest, funniest little person in the world. No, no, not me (but thanks). It's my niece, the beautiful Bronwyn, she is officially One Year Old. My little baby is growing up. Her birthday falls on a British holiday - Guy Faulks Day - one that I had never heard of before. Apparently, Mr. Faulks tried to blow up parliament back in the day, but ended up setting fire to a bunch of gunpowder. In any event, to commemorate the whole debacle, Guy Faulks Day involves setting large bonfires and burning Guy dolls in effigy.
As far as I'm concerned, the English are either a very morbid people or have an odd sense of humour.
Fireworks are also a Faulksian tradition, and they've been going off around the city for the past two weeks. Amateur fireworks are all well and good every once in a while, but it feels like the whole city is under siege. Bombs are going off left, right and centre and the pretty lights I might expect are generally hidden behind buildings.
But in the end, it's kind of a fun holiday. The family took Bronwyn to Ravenscourt Park for an official celebration last Saturday. It was kind of like a small carnival at night surrounding a gigantic fire. The (professional) fireworks display was the main reason for attending and despite the little one being very, very tired, once she calmed down, I think she was quite mesmerized by the whole display.
And so, I�ve done my duty. I�m sorry it�s been so long, my faithful readers (all 5 of you), and I promise I�ll be much wittier next time. It�s hard to concentrate when you�re watching ER.
Tee hee.
11:42 a.m. - 2004-10-07
God help me...
Samarra, please don't tell me you've gone allfanatical on me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for personal beliefs, religious or otherwise, but one thing that gets on my nerves like nothing else is preachy, holier-than-thou, "golly gee, I'm sorry to tell you that you're going to rot in hell like the blaspheming pig that you are" fanatics trying to cram God down my throat like some kind of Christian intubation technique.
And I'm not entirely against people trying to "spread the Word." I mean, I wouldn't shoot at a Jahovah's Witness coming to my door to sell me on Jesus, but I'll tell you, they better damn well be prepared for a debate on the matter. If you want to challenge my beliefs then you best be able to take what you dish out with me. I often like to recall a certain street preacher in Dublin that had the bad luck to suck Kristen into a religious debate. I might have ignored the bugger, but she couldn't get away from him and I wanted to leave. Have you ever seen a bible-thumping, God-fearing preacher run away from his own potential convert? It's good for a laugh if nothing else.
1:41 p.m. - 2004-09-15
I love my job...
I�ve come the conclusion that being a nanny rocks. I admit, I have a fairly cushy position what with the fact that my job is taking care of my only niece and she being the cutest, sweetest, kindest baby in the whole world (my impartial opinion, obviously), but just in general, this job is a hoot. A hoot and a nanny. A hoot-a-nanny. Get it?
Oh, nevermind�
Since I began this gig, a lot of my time has been spent hanging around the park, shooting the shit with the other nannies while keeping an eye on the kiddies as they run free. It�s a hard life, I know, but someone�s got to do it while the mommies are at work. As a result, I�ve started getting to know some of the kids in the neighbourhood and, I have to tell you, they�re quite the motley crew. All ages, all temperaments and all kinds of funny.
First off, there�s Sofia, the supreme ruler of sourpuss. Good thing for her she�s gorgeous � curly blond hair, bright blue eyes and big, pouty lips that could draw an aww out of the most hardened of nursery school workers (and trust me, they�re a tough bunch). Putting her and Bronwyn together is like meeting Jekyll and Hyde at the same time - they couldn�t be more different. Sofia�s only three months older than Bronwyn, so I figure they�ll soon become the best of friends. Or mortal enemies, it�s anyone�s guess.
Then there�s Sean, the two year old blond boy who has been known to carry a handbag on occasion. The other day, Sean was asked what you say to a person who has just had you over for lunch. After thinking about for a moment, he confidently walked over to his host, put out his hand and declared, �Nice to meet you.� That�s all you really need to know about Sean.
Every gang must have a dark cloud, a black sheep, a trouble-maker of some sort and ours is named Jackson. He brings new meaning to the concept of �problem child�. If he isn�t whacking you on the back with a toy, scratching out your child�s eye or contemplating setting fire to your buggy (I�m sure I�ve seen a look in his eye), he can be somewhat cute. Until he let�s out a loud �piss off� and then he�s just a little shit again.
And on over to Andre, the oldest of the bunch at 2 and a half years old. He�s being potty-trained at the moment which means no more nappies (diapers for you Canadians out there) and plenty of accidents. I�ve seen the look of exasperation on his nanny�s face when he lets go at an inopportune moment, and I always have the same thought: Remind me to quit the moment Bronny�s parents decide to take on the battle of baby bladder control. It ain�t pretty.
When I first considered doing the nanny thing, I wasn�t really sure what to expect. Dirty nappies were a cause of concern, but now I actually feel a certain sense of pride at my mastery of the craft. Boredom was also an area that I was worried about � I mean, despite my childlike attitude on life, exactly how much do I really have in common with a 10 month old? Fortunately, the discovery of colleagues and the realization that kids are happy to hang out just about anywhere as long as there are toys around have taken care of that.
And so, I�ve come to discover that I really like my job and, in the end, it�s because of the kids. Even Jackson-the-terrible. It�s not just their innocence or their vulnerability. It�s not just the way that they like to cuddle you when they�re scared or unhappy. It�s not even the way that they look into your eyes with a sense of wonder and curiosity that reminds you of how precious life is. It�s just that they are so damn funny. They fall flat on their asses multiple times of day. They say things so stupid but with such sincerity that you think you might pee your pants from laughter. They�re easy to play practical jokes on and they never hold a grudge. And the best part of all is, after you�ve had your fun with the gullible little suckers, you give the now crying, cranky bag of stinky poo back to mommy and daddy.
Being a nanny really does rock.
