2:00 p.m. - 2003-11-01
Damn Bam Bam, thank you ma'am
I Bed-Rocked Halloween, y�all.
Now, before you start thinking that I was a naughty girl or anything of the sort, I say that because I dressed up as Betty Rubble and my costume was Da Bomb. You heard me, Da Bomb. You know it�s hardcore when I resort to the gangsta� talk, which I�ve established before as being completely beyond my grasp.
Whitest white girl right here folks.
I had to work, which I didn�t mind at first. I�ve worked at the Fish for three previous Halloweens and they�ve always been fun. First off, it was mandatory that those who worked had to wear a costume, which I always liked. I found a somewhat perverse pleasure in listening to the gripes and complaints of those who didn�t have the Halloween spirit. I really don�t know why. Then there was the costume contest. Our old manager, Ozzie, was big fan and always went all out for it. Decorating the front desk with props from home, and always entertaining the staff with a decent costume. The year he did the Terminator was my favourite.
But this year, the new management changed all that. No longer did you have to wear a costume, it was optional. Optional, bah! Where�s the fun in that? Consequently, there were quite a few people dressed up as Fish House waiters this year. Only one person decided to take advantage and dress up as �Himself�, i.e. an excuse to wear civilian clothes, as we like to call them. Fortunately, there was a small population of servers that decided to dress up, including me of course. Like I was gonna miss an opportunity to show off my superior costume making abilities.
On top of that, there was no contest, which was the biggest disappointment to me. The costume contest at the fish was never really what I would call a �pure� costume contest, it was part Best Costume, part popularity and part shortest skirt contest. I had all three elements this year, I totally could have placed. I was robbed the year that I was Little Orphan Annie, my skirt was too long.
Nevertheless, it was a good night. Once I was done work, Kristen (a.k.a. Wilma Flintstone) showed up and, after a little indecision as to what to do, headed down to a happenin` pub in the �Rough (that�s ghetto for Scarborough) with some Fish people and got goodly drunk. There were a lot of �Yabba Dabba Doo�s� and one �Bam BAM� comments, which made us laugh.
I love Halloween.
2:58 p.m. - 2003-10-31
Goin' on up to the spirit in the sky...
Big Ed died last night.
Big Ed is�was bro Dave�s goldfish. When he moved into his previous apartment, all on his lonesome, he bought four. Big Ed was the last of that load. Funnily enough, Dave had just bought a new goldfish a few days ago so that Ed wouldn�t be lonely. Having said that, I have three possible explanations for Big Ed�s demise:
A) Foul Play. Perhaps the aquarium wasn�t big enough for the both of them?
B) Ed�s big heart. He wanted to wait until bro Dave got another friend before leaving the world behind. What a guy, what a guy.
C) He was old. And he�s a goldfish.
I know it�s probably C, but I can�t help thinking up weird competing goldfish scenarios that would make A true.
When we got home last night, the poor thing was lying on its side at the bottom of the tank, feebly flapping his flippers, but not going anywhere. That�s never a good sign for a fish. Rather than letting Ed suffer needlessly in the aquarium, we euthanised the bugger in the most humane way the internet told us was possible.
We stuck him in the freezer.
Apparently, as the temperature gets colder, the fish painlessly drifts off until eventually landing himself into the big pond in the sky. Dave scooped Ed up in the net (the poor little guy didn�t even put up his usually fight), placed him in a small tub of water and, with the kind of humility and grace only a true fish-lover knows, placed him in the freezer. Then, we lit a candle and held a moment of silence for the dearly departed.
Ok, there was no silence, but bro Dave did light a candle.
The most unfortunate part of the whole ordeal was the exchange that bro Dave and I had this morning in the car.
Me: Hey Dave, did you remember to take Big Ed out of the freezer last night?
Dave: (Slaps his head and shakes it)
Tonight on the menu: Fishticles.
