4:18 p.m. - 2003-10-24
my mother...my employer.
I really don�t take criticism very well.
I�ve known this about myself for many, many years now. I�ve got better about it over time, however, and there are moments when things will slide off my back�with a little nudge in the right direction that is. But I�ve just had an experience that my psyche is still in the midst of processing.
I�ve just had a performance review with my mother.
For those of you who might not realize it, I work for my parents. I have a long history of working for and then quitting and then working for and then quitting my parent�s business. I�m an administrator and I oversee a web-based multi-rater assessment program that we run. If you didn�t quite get that last part, don�t worry, it�s not as interesting as it may sound.
Apparently, the Consultants at the office were concerned with a few things about my performance and, seeing as I am the bosses� daughter, they thought my mommy was the person best suited to telling me so. I�ll give them this: they were probably right about that.
I�ve never had a conversation with my mother where she had notes.
I knew something was up from the get go when my mom scheduled to have lunch with me the next day. Usually, my mom takes me to lunch when my dad isn�t in the office and so can�t catch her goofing off with me, but an appointment? I knew from that point on there was going to be a lecture of some sort coming my way.
I won�t get into the details of my review, there really wasn�t anything in there that I couldn�t have predicted. Maybe a couple of things that took me by surprise, but I�m a big enough person to say that they might have had at least a small point on one of the issues.
The fact is, I am entirely aware of the fact that I am not suited to the position of office administrator. I can�t coddle people and as far as I�m concerned, that�s what being an administrator is about. You have to remind these people to do things they should know to do themselves. You have to do and redo grunt work like filing and alphabetizing simply because the Almighty Professional can�t take a couple of minutes to open a cabinet. It�s taking the blame for all errors, even when you know you didn�t make them and having to say �Yes� when you know in your heart the answer is �No�. It�s about doing the work and getting no glory, and rarely doing things your way (even if it is the right way). It�s about being at the bottom of the barrel and dealing the scum that tends to accumulate there.
In short, it�s just not for me.
So, it�s a good thing that I told my parents I want to leave. I gave them the news about a week ago, and while I still have some weeks left at the office, I�m sure it will go by fast. The funny part about this whole event is this: no one else knows yet that I�m leaving. The consultants who were so concerned about my behaviour are probably going to think that I�m quitting because of the review. I can�t deny there isn�t a teeny, tiny, itty-bitty, small part of me that doesn�t hope they feel a little bit of guilt over it.
Again, I don�t take criticism well.
